In many ways, Betty Malone is making up for lost time.

Malone’s daughter, Diana Amos, and Diana’s son, James Walker, 14, live with Malone in Columbia.

But Malone’s household makeup is no longer unique. Data from the U.S. Census Bureau paints a clear picture of the importance of grandparents in bringing up a new generation. In 2009, 6.7 million grandparents had grandchildren younger than 18 living with them. About 40 percent of those were responsible for the basic needs of the grandchildren, such as food, shelter and clothing. A full 10 percent of all children in the United States were living with a grandparent in 2010.

Child-care arrangements also reflect the role of grandparents in the lives of their grandchildren. In 2005, 30 percent of children younger than 5 whose mothers worked were being cared for on a regular basis by a grandparent during their mother’s working hours.

Malone didn’t see her grandchildren — James and his adult sister — very often before their mother brought them back to the United States from Germany in 2006. A former opera singer, Amos now teaches voice at Columbia College and will soon complete her master’s degree.

“I saw them once a year unless I went over,” Malone said of her grandchildren. “James was born in Germany. I really didn’t see them much.”

Because Amos needed to work and attend school, Malone wanted to help. James also has Asperger’s syndrome, a high-functioning condition on the autism spectrum, which meant he had additional needs.

“She needs really good backup,” Malone said of her daughter. “We want to make sure James has a good life at school and a good life at home. It’s not work. It’s how you cope as a family unit. It’s part of me being able to pass on what was passed to me. My mother was a great presence in our lives and I’m just passing it along. I want to make sure Diana gets that degree in the same why my mother made sure I got that degree. She’ll pass it on down, I’m sure.”

Amos said her mother’s support is invaluable.

“I couldn’t do it without mom,” she said.

Gloria Bullock, a parent educator at Edward E. Taylor Elementary in Columbia, has conducted grandparent groups at the school and she sees the role many grandparents are assuming, in some cases many years after they thought their child rearing days were over.

“It was like a new beginning — starting again,” she said.

And despite their motivation and their love of their grandchildren, Bullock said times have changed and grandparents will need to seek some support. Even homework is sometimes an issue.

“They haven’t been in school in 40 years,” Bullock said. “My job is empowerment. You have to be empowered with what is out there for you.”

Bullock said grandparents should ask for help. If their grandchildren are in school, seek support from the school’s administration. Bullock’s former group is not currently meeting, but it gave her a unique perspective on what grandparent’s were facing.

“They saw other grandparents with the same challenges,” she said. “It’s good to know you aren’t in this by yourself.”

Safety issues are also important. Bullock said grandparents who have no experience with car seats and child-safety recommendations often have a lot to learn. But, she said, they are motivated to give their grandchildren the best life possible.

“It’s not that they want to all the time, but they have to so they can keep their family under the same roof,” she said. “The children don’t suffer.”

When Kathy Kelly’s child and grandchild lived with her, she said it was sometimes a challenge.

“It’s tough,” Kelly, the volunteer and community information coordinator for the Lexington County Recreation and Aging Commission, said.

Caring for a little one brought physical challenges as well.

 “Maybe I didn’t want to admit it, but yes,” Kelly said. “I had to make sure there was a car seat. I didn’t totally understand them. They had to be backwards as a baby — all that was different.”

Even after successfully seeing their own children to adulthood, Kelly said it is easy for grandparents to be overwhelmed by what amounts to starting over, in many respects. The responsibility, expenses and time commitment can be staggering for senior adults who have experienced years of a relatively unencumbered schedule.

“It’s frustrating, and there are some grandparents that are a lot older than me,” Kelly said. “It’s a big challenge. You have to work your life around that child. Even from the infant stage on up, you change your whole life around. Your life as you knew it is gone.”

Kelly, who has a number of friends caring for their grandchildren, said the balance is often a delicate one between a grandparent’s contribution and a parent’s authority.

Amos agreed.

“She sometimes tries to step back and not be too much of a second mom,” Amos said of Malone. “It’s a tricky thing to have two moms, so she is really good about that. We get along really well. It makes my life so much better. I am really, really lucky.”

And the relationship has enriched the lives of all involved, according to Amos.

“She’s young to be my mom,” Amos said. “She’s still totally active. James looks forward to coming home and if he has good news, he runs straight in to tell her. He knows she is super interested.”

Kelly said despite the challenges and the changes that came with caring for her grandchild, it’s a season of her life that she wouldn’t trade.

“It’s rewarding to have this child that is just so attached to your hip,” she said. “You just feel the love. You feel like they’re yours. I can’t explain how much I love that child.”

After her family’s time abroad, Amos said her three-generation household is especially sweet.

“Mom only saw the kids once a year,” Amos said. “When I came back here it was such a change. We’re making up for lost time.”

Find more information online

For resources and support, check out these websites:

• The U.S. Government’s Grandparents Raising Grandchildren resource page: www.usa.gov/Topics/Grandparents.shtml
• AARP’s Grandparent Information Center: www.aarp.org/relationships/friends-family/
• The S.C. Lieutenant Governor’s Office on Aging: aging.sc.gov/Pages/default.aspx